Archive for the ‘Maylord’ Category

Ironbridge Update

December 21, 2006

After almost 6 months away from the Ironbridge area and whats changed, well not a huge deal (not that thats a bad thing). The big news on the Ironbridge front is Central Cafe which used to be a greasy spoon is now a Pizza and Kebab shop. I have yet to sample the culinary delights of the new Central Cafe since it shuts at 11pm due to some strange Ironbridge local by-law. However I have promised my good friend Elliott Russell that as a special Christmas treat I will take him there and buy him any Pizza and any can of sprite he desires!

Rolf Leavesly the Mayor of Ironbridge is famous for going “all-out” for Christmas. Once again he has bettered his efforts of the previous Christmas this year he’s gone “all-out” to Australia! However before he left he put a ransom on the Maylord’s head. A reward of the Maylords weight in Gold will be given to the first person to catch the man-beast dead or alive. This all started when the Maylord made derogatory remarks about the Bridge/Town earlier this month. The Maylord has been mysteriously missing since he had the “day from hell” last Friday.

Not much seems to have changed in the Telford area, Telford Town Centre is still a chav-infested shit-hole redeemed only by the spectacular Telford Time Machine attraction. Also the largest Tesco in the World has been built in Wellington. The shop is truly colossal, it is closer in size to a small city rather than a large supermarket. I think it may even be bigger than the giant Argos you pass on the way to Nottingham.

Pete Graham xXx

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Graham’s 7th Law: If its on the Internet then it must be True!

December 6, 2006

I was speaking Oliver May last night, here is an extract of the conversation from me and the bespectacled Harry Potter look-alike went like:

Olly: Pete, I have been enjoying your blog a lot recently
Pete: Why thank you Maylord
Olly: Yes since I am a jobless bum I read it everyday
Pete: Its nice to hear that your a regular reader Oliver. But are you aware many highly successful young professionals read my blog everyday and hold down demanding executive positions?
Olly: Hhhhmmm, I thought the Wolphin thing was good however surely the Liger joke is getting a bit old now.
Pete: Joke! Ligers are no joke, how dare you!
Olly: What you mean they are real? I presumed those photo’s were Photoshop-ed
Pete: The Liger is as real as you or me, those photos are 100% genuine.

Any way this conveniently leads me onto Graham’s 7th Law which Mr May clearly wasn’t aware of:

If its on the Internet then it must be true!

Now throughout the course of history a few foolish individuals have attempted to break this sacred digital law and published non-factual information onto the Net, a most heinous crime. However everytime this has happened the Internet Police have caught the culprit within minutes, the punishment for this crime is normally death, or on rare occurrence’s the criminal is sent back to before civilisation began.

  • FACT: Civilisation began in 1779 when the worlds Ironbridge was constructed
  • FACT: The Ironbridge located in Ironbridge, Shropshire is the first Ironbridge in the world
  • FACT: The Ironbridge is made of Iron

Click here for an explaination of Graham’s 4th Law.

Pete Graham xXx