Archive for November, 2006

Pregnant Man – Wally of the Week

November 30, 2006

Charles Sibindana stole a certificate from a clinic during his pregnant girlfriend’s check-up. He substituted his own details in and took time-off work (7 days). However his employers noticed that the note was from a gynaecologist and have fined him. Congratulations Charles you are this weeks Wally of the Week!

Above a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger being touched by a ugly troll. This picture was taken from the hilarious 1994 film Junior where Arnold plays a pregnant man.

  • FACT: Arnold Schwarzenner played Danny Devito twin brother in the hilarious 1988 film Twins
  • FACT: Arnold and Danny Devito are not really twins
  • FACT: Arnold has never actually been pregnant but could be if he really wanted to

While researching the film Junior I stumbled upon the website The Four World Film Review. As the name suggests people get to submit film reviews but can only use 4 words or less. Here are some of my favourite junior reviews:

  • Conan the Ovarian
  • Arnieficially inseminated
  • Conan the boob Aryan
  • The Materni-nator
  • Schwarzen-preggers

More observant readers will have noticed they are all amazing puns! If you have any suggestions for next weeks wally then drop me an email. Heres a link to last Weeks Wally in case you missed it.

Pete xXx

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FireFox 2.0 is Rubbish!

November 30, 2006

Now don’t get me wrong I’m a big fan of Firefox especially the extensions, but I have been finding version 2.0 pretty unstable, its crashed on me 6 times already this week, where as I always found versions 1-1.5 incredibly reliable.

Each time it crashed I did have a large number of tabs open, probably 12+ but I wouldn’t expect that to crash the browser.

I’m running on Windows XP with these extensions:

  • ColorZilla
  • DOM Inspector
  • FireBug
  • Google Toolbar
  • Live HTTP Headers
  • MeasureIt
  • Talkback
  • Tamper Data
  • Web Developer
  • X-Ray

Has anyone else experienced similar problems with the browser? I’d be interested to hear. Also I never used Opera before but have been using it for testing purposes recently, I find it quite nice.

Pete xXx

Ice-hand Man

November 29, 2006

I’ve developed RSI in my hands due to working on a computer all day and possibly weight lifting. So I’ve started to Ice my hands at lunch-time. At first I thought this would be a bit of a pain but its oddly satisfying.. I feel like a digital samurai preparing for his next bout!

This is not the first injury I’ve suffered from office equipment ergonomics but its the first I’ve had in a while. I’m not convinced that people were designed to sit hunched behind computers desks all day, when you think about it, it is incredibly unnatural.

Pete xXx

Dress-up Jesus for Christmas!

November 29, 2006

As its nearing the festive season I though I’d put up a link for this great site that I found last week. It lets you dress-up Jesus for his birthday!

Speaking of Christmas I shall be in Tooting this Friday for the switching on the Christmas lights at Tommy O’s house. This is an open invite event and is bound to be off the hook, Tommy O has been stocking up on eggnog all week.

Lewis and his band Peacock Avenue should be performing a set and also it is rumoured that prog-rock super-group SeaQuest PXG may be reuniting for a one off performance. These rumours are yet to be confirmed. I would like to offer my eggstreme congratulations to Lewis for cooking his first egg ever last week, apparently it was quite an eggventure and I hope it will be the first of many.

Pete xXx

Death to Bureaucracy!

November 28, 2006

Since I was ill today I thought I’d go to the Doctor’s, I went down there early afternoon to register. Now I realised I’d need some ID so I took with me my drivers licence and a man-bag full off utility bills and the contract for the room I rent, probably enough ID to commit Identity theft if you got hold of it, certainly enough to register for your local Doctors, you’d think.

On getting to the doctors surgery and expressing my wish to register, the surly receptionist informed me that I’d need a utility bill and my passport, the rest of the conversation went like this:

Pete: I’m sorry I don’t have my passport in Guildford could you accept some alternative ID such as a driver’s licence?

Moody Receptionist: No a drivers licence wont do you HAVE to have a passport.

Pete: well I’ve got a man-bag full of alternative forms of ID such as utility bills could accept any of these as ID?

Moody Receptionist: ohhhhh yes you’ll need utility bill…
But you’ll also need a passport.. or birth certificate.

Pete: well I wont be able to get my hands on either of those for a few days could I book an appointment with the doctor

Moody Receptionist: Oh yes you can book a doctors appointment..
But you’ll need register before you can book one.

Pete: But you just said I can’t register without a passport!

Moody Receptionist: Yes I know, look it says on my sign (at this point receptionist smugly taps her skankly laminated sign) I couldn’t possibly register you without seeing a passport, it’s the Rules.

Pete: But I’m ill, arrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

At this point I gave up and went into town as I needed to collect my new credit-card from the bank. Interestingly I had more than enough ID to get my new credit and potentially spend thousands of pounds in my name!

Many thanks to all the people who have wished me a speedy recovery. I am feeling much better this evening (despite the lack of medical attention I was given earlier) and am planning of returning to work tomorrow if I get a good nights sleep.

Pete xXx

“Licence to Ill”

November 28, 2006

I had to leave work early yesterday afternoon as I just felt absolutely exhausted and found I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing. I slept for 2 hours when I got home and then a further 12 hours last night. I think I must be coming down with something as I can normally never get to sleep at night if I sleep in the daytime.

I’ve taken the day off work today to try and rest up, wanted to go to the Doctors but you can’t book an appointment unless you’ve registered with the Doc, since I’ve not needed to go before in Guildford I hadn’t bother to register with anyone grrrhhh! Anyway its likely that’ll I’ll get pretty bored today so will probably post again once I’ve had enough of watching daytime TV, must go I think Jeremy Kyle is doing a special on incest.

Pete xXx

Peeterman(ia)

November 27, 2006

Stella have released a 4% beer called Peeterman Artois to compete against Becks Vier. The beer is served in a exquisite goblet like glass and has a slightly fruitier taste than traditional Stella Artois. When questioned if the Peeterman name was a reference to the increasingly popular Peteamania blog Stella representatives had this to say:

“The Peeterman name is entirely coincidental however we are a big fan of that blog and Pete Graham in general”

Whilst drinking some Peeterman at the weekend it got me wondering why Stella never realised a Super-stella ultra premium larger to add to their increasing beverages range. Some Internet research revealed that there is a magical drink named Stella Artois Bock, this is a 6.2% stella (normal stell is 5%), apparently Bock was released in may last year, however it proved too dangerous for human consumption and was promptly withdrawn. Stella bock mysteriously disappeared from brewing history in the late 1950’s, it was purely by chance that the recipe was rediscovered in early naughties. Apparently Bock was once the drink of choice of the Leuven intellectual elite until they all got hammered and decked each other. If anyone knows anywhere that sells Bock on tap then let me know as I would love to sample some.

Pete xXx

Half Lion, half Tiger, all Terror!

November 27, 2006

I have been doing more research about the Liger, I have come across an amazing group that call themselves the Anti-Liger Alliance. Here are some amazing facts from their website:

  • FACT: Ligers are the biggest cats in the universe. They grow to up to 1500 lbs. and 12 ft. long.
  • FACT: Ligers can run as fast, or even faster than a 1986 Toyota Corolla (thats helluva fast!)
  • FACT: Ligers are deadly killing machines. Ligers can kill a man in 0.7 seconds and devour him in less than 4.6 seconds.
  • FACT: Ligers can dodge bullets.
  • FACT: Ligers have only one weakness: fire

Pete xXx

Belly Dancing Mayhem

November 25, 2006

So I was out in Tooting last night, there was a leaving party in the bar we were in for an Australian girl that works there. Around half eleven the lights started to come on, I presumed they were shutting which I was a bit annoyed about as I hadn’t downed many Viers. However it wasn’t shutting at all someone had arranged for a belly dancer to come and perform in the pub, naturally the belly dancer wanted to dance with me so I bust a few of my best moves out.

Bizarrely the Australian girl left quite early even thought it was her own leaving party, what’s all that about?

Pete xXx

Passive Drunkenness

November 25, 2006

I’ve observed a behavioural trend which I have coined Passive Drunkenness. This appears to occur when a sober individual is out for the duration of the evening with people who are drinking. As the night progresses the sober person will display similar traits to the people under the influence of alcohol. I witnessed this happen in real life last night when a completely sober John Atkins came out with the outrageous quote of “I’d love to spunk in that bird.. I’d explode! And then it’s come out of her mouth!” Hell of lad!

Pete xXx